


P3n1ck

by Jigglypikachus



Category: Real Person Fiction
Genre: Bisexual, Homosexual, M/M, Romance, Satire, knight in shining armor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 17:54:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29372655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jigglypikachus/pseuds/Jigglypikachus
Summary: The wonderful and tragic tale of Mr. Penick, and his eventual rediscovery of himself and his emotions.
Relationships: Penick/Hall





	P3n1ck

The nature of knowledge, what comprises its essence? We as humans experience all subjectively, so is there even an objective nature to existence? There are only 2 things that we know for certain: That we exist and that we love. And who could know the latter to a greater extent than the supple Penick himself?  
Reader, what motivates you to torture yourself by reading this? Do you enjoy pain? Or are you simply a disgusting degenerate as I am? Either way, I will narrate the tragic tale of Penick’s romantic life to you. Prepare the tissues, for they will have 2 uses.  
It began in his teenage years. Penick was an emo before emo was popular. He was a femboy before it was socially acceptable. He was a submissive boyfriend despite societal expectations. Penick was a virgin until the age of 17, and until that age he was a studious nerd, but once he experienced the sweet, addictive taste of love he could never go back. Some might say that he was blinded by love, but no, he rather was enlightened by love. Once he had experienced this intense love, he could see naught else but beauty around him. Penick was freed from the shackles of mediocrity and was instead able to see what was truly beautiful around him. Sure, this awakening harmed his grades, but what do grades matter when you are in the pursuit of eternal and unchallenged love?  
Penick’s youth was one of sexual prowess. Despite his submissively sexual nature, Penick reigned many women and men into his sexual life. Some men have love lives, however Penick’s entire life was one of love.  
One might ask how he became this saddened man we know him as today, and that, my disciple, is the purpose of this story. For you, my gentle reader, I will recount Penick’s tragic downfall and his glorious rise from the ashes. Penick is not unlike a phoenix; he is the master of resurrecting passions.  
Oh Penick! The Achilles of Campbell! Oh how your thighs glisten in the pale sunshine, and how magnificently your silver hair shines! The slender lion has befallen his throne, and yet it is certain that he shall rise to the calling of love! Oh Penick! Thou art naught less than perfection! Let us mere simpletons adorn your Spartan muscles, and let us bathe thee in the oils of glory!  
Enough of my praise, for to truly understand what is so great about Penick we must understand his bad side to better contrast it with the wonderful. Penick seems to be a man of mercy on the outside, yet on the inside he is a man of vengeance and spite. The cat’s eyes are merely a ruse; the snake eyes are his true vessels of sight. When betrayed by the woman of his dreams, Penick could not hold in his godlike fury. This so-called woman of his dreams is no more. Penick could not let an immoral woman such as her exist in his pure life any longer.  
Ever since his love’s untimely death on September 7th, 2004, Penick has been in search of one to captivate his heart once more. No man nor woman was able to replicate the love he felt in his younger life, and at the brink of celibacy he decided to become involved in education in order to rekindle his first love: the pursuit of knowledge. His position in IB was only a substitute to the real thing, however. It was merely a placebo. I worked because he willed it to, not because it provided any effect. He began to lust once more, he began to prowl like the lion he once was. How ironic that the lion found the juiciest piece of meat in the forest.  
Penick went on dates with dozens of men and women, but to no avail. He was too different from them. How horrible they must have been to reject this icon of beauty. After 2 years of this quest, Penick was beginning to lose hope. Had he lost the flair of his youth? Had he become unattractive in both the personality and figure that once captivated all? Beauty is subjective, my reader, and he had fallen in attractiveness to the general populace, but while he diminished in others’ eyes, he became more desirable in others’.  
At the brink of hopelessness, what better than a knight in shining armor to save him from an eternity of loneliness? In comes the great Briton known as Sir Hall, the knight renowned for killing 20 men in the span of a mere quarter-hour, the man known for his rotund figure and Cyclops strength, and let us not forget, simple reader, that the man also possessed the most charming aura of any being ever to exist on this meek planet.  
Sir Hall arrived at Penick’s side when he least expected; in the professional workplace was their intersection. Love comes unexpectedly, Doesn’t it? But even so, it should always be greeted with welcome arms as you would greet a great friend in your darkest hour.  
Sir Hall’s heavenly scent and charming personality led Penick to say those fabled words: “I love you”. Never before had these words been uttered with such sincerity. Never before had 2 hearts moved the earth in such a manner. Never before had two knights embraced in such a manly, yet endearing manner.  
The world hasn’t been the same since that day. Two lovers, intertwined in pride and joy, never to be separated by the likes of time. During work they are together. At home they are together. These two lovers were together since before the pandemic, and even if they had confessed at a later date, nothing would have kept these two apart.  
The supple Penick and the firm Sir Hall, what could form a greater pairing? Not light and darkness. Not good and evil. Not even sweet and sour. For their differences are their strengths. They are two pieces of the jigsaw of life. Their opposites compliment the other. Their similarities attract. The sexual aspect was merely a second thought.  
Dear reader, do not imagine what these two knights do under the covers, for it is too holy for the human mind. Doing so will only cause harm to your fragile conscience and the two gods love you too much to wish pain upon you. Think of their simple company. Think of their infinitely complex dynamic. Think of their indescribably attractive bodies if you will, but do not imagine impure things of their love, for true love does not behave as your mind expects. True love is in the heart, nowhere else, and do not forget this. It will do you well in life to follow the path of these pioneering gods into the blazing sunset of emotion. Rest well, reader, so that you may work towards the purity that these two men have achieved.


End file.
